staying strong

I am so sick of people being so inconsiderate and selfish. Everyone is so quick to make you out to be the bad person when you finally stop giving in and dropping everything to help, because you realized they will never do the same in return because all they do is expect but never willing to give back.

In life everyone is a victim. Emotionally, physically and mentally. It's how you choose to deal with it that will determine your future and your perceptions. You see in life you are either a survivor or not. As i have mentioned before, the last 4 years have been extremely difficult for me. Don't get me wrong i am very fortunate compared to so many and am so grateful that things have not been worse, but as someone very special to me once said "A problem is still a problem, no matter how big or small." This took me a long time to come to terms with as i always felt so guilty for being upset when i knew there were people going through so much worse, but after pushing all my bigger problems because of this guilt i noticed the smaller the problems got a lot harder to deal with. This is when i realized that the smallest things in life are often the ones that can make the biggest difference. The smallest ones are the ice-breakers, the last straw and the ones with the most damaging effects.

Me i am a survivor. Why? Because i get up every morning as i believe i was born for a purpose, I smile not because i am happy but because i know it could make someone else feel better and give them more hope, i laugh because i know it's healthy. I could go one but i think you but i think you get the point. I force myself to go out and make the most of life because i know if i let all small things in life hold me back then i will never go anywhere in life and let darkness take the best of me, but unfortunately too many people do not have the mentality to carry on and push through the bad in hope one day it will get better. And then another life is lost.

These last few months have been my hardest as my grandpa fell ill and passed away. It all happened so fast. lying next to his cold body as we said our final goodbyes has without a doubt been the hardest, most painful thing i have yet to experience and it will be last for a long long time because i am suffering so badly. Depression has taken over. I am so physically and emotionally drained that all i ever do is crave being in bed. I am so lonely that being in presents of other people can make me feel more alone and more weak and when someone has the audacity to be a bully makes me so physically sick and i just wish we could live in a world where everyone is genuine and kind but unfortunately that's never going to happen as humans are a cruel sick species.

Yes it is shit to feel like this but i need to keep pushing/ you need to keep pushing in order to create your own happiness and one day live the life you want, Yes you are going to encounter hardships and some maybe even more gut-wrenching than your worst nightmare but as long as hope. despair and sadness will not triumph!

I encourage you all to make the most of life and never let anyone or anything make you give up. Keep fighting because one day you will look back and realize that all your hardships have just made you into a better stronger person, who is able to be happy with what they got instead of always looking for more and never being truly happy.

take care

Tara xoxox